Dr Emily – The Risk of Avoiding Risk
In a world where comfort and safety are highly valued, it’s easy to fall into the trap of avoiding discomfort. This tendency to “play it safe” can lead to a stagnant, unfulfilling life. In a recent episode of “The Imperfects” podcast, Dr. Emily, a clinical psychologist, delved into the concept of avoiding discomfort, the consequences of playing it safe, and the immense value of embracing discomfort as a pathway to personal growth and fulfilment.
The Allure and Pitfalls of Safety
Dr. Emily starts by explaining that avoiding discomfort often stems from a desire to feel safe. While this instinct is natural, it can result in a life that feels like “Groundhog Day”—repetitive, boring, and ultimately unsatisfying.
“When I avoid discomfort, I also shut off access to all the other amazing feelings that I could potentially experience”
Dr. Emily emphasises
This avoidance prevents us from fully experiencing life and hinders our emotional growth.
The episode highlights Tim Minchin’s discussion on self-belief and the courage to present oneself authentically. Minchin’s song “Play Safe” serves as a poignant reminder that taking risks and stepping out of our comfort zones are essential for personal and creative fulfilment.
The Cost of Playing It Safe
Playing it safe might seem like the safer option, but it can be more dangerous than taking risks. By avoiding discomfort and sticking to familiar routines, we miss out on opportunities for growth and self-discovery. Dr. Emily explains, “The consequences of playing it safe, staying the same, avoiding risk, avoiding discomfort—it looks like Groundhog Day. It looks like feeling bored, feeling unsatisfied, feeling low.”
When we consistently choose safety over risk, we prevent ourselves from achieving our full potential. This notion is supported by research on classical musicians, where those who produced the most work—regardless of quality—tended to achieve the greatest success. Continuous effort and risk-taking are crucial for excellence.
Evolutionary Roots and Cultural Influences
Humans have a natural negativity bias, which makes us overestimate danger and underestimate our ability to cope. This combination leads us to avoid risks and seek safety. However, this instinct can hinder our growth in modern society.
Cultural influences also play a significant role in how we perceive and handle discomfort. For instance, Australian culture is known for its “tall poppy syndrome,” where standing out and taking risks can be met with criticism. Conversely, in the United States, confidence and risk-taking are often celebrated. These cultural differences shape our attitudes towards discomfort and risk.
Early Childhood Experiences
Early childhood experiences can significantly impact our comfort with risk-taking. Dr. Emily discusses how messages around safety from parents can instill a strong sense of caution in children. Phrases like “be careful” and constant warnings about danger can create a mindset that prioritises safety over exploration and risk-taking.
Children who are given the freedom to make their own choices and pursue their interests are more likely to develop confidence and a willingness to take risks. In contrast, those who are constantly guided and protected may struggle with indecisiveness and a fear of failure in adulthood.
Overcoming the Fear of Discomfort
Dr. Emily and The Imperfects crew discuss various strategies for overcoming the fear of discomfort. One key approach is to reframe our relationship with discomfort. Rather than seeing it as something to be avoided, we can learn to embrace it as a necessary part of growth. Dr. Emily emphasises the importance of “sitting with discomfort” and being open to the feelings that arise.
She uses a physical example to illustrate this concept: “If I go to the dentist and I’m lying on the dentist chair and they’re doing something in my mouth, and I notice that my hands are gripped whilst they’re doing that, I also notice that my legs have kind of got a bit tight because it feels really unpleasant. Now being open to discomfort or sitting with discomfort is not gritting our teeth and tolerating the experience. It’s about actually changing how we relate to the feelings that are here.”
By acknowledging our discomfort and allowing ourselves to feel it, we can reduce the struggle and move forward more effectively. This approach applies not only to physical discomfort but also to emotional and psychological challenges.
Practical Steps to Embrace Discomfort
Dr. Emily offers practical advice for embracing discomfort in our daily lives. One effective method is to identify our core values and use them as a guide for decision-making. When faced with a difficult choice, we can ask ourselves whether our actions align with our values or if we are choosing safety out of fear.
She introduces the concept of the ‘choice point,’ a framework from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). This framework helps individuals navigate moments of discomfort and decision-making by considering whether their choices align with their values. Dr. Emily explains, “When we get to this point, and discomfort arises, it feels very overwhelming. So we make the left-hand choice of avoidance or procrastination, and we choose a behaviour which is most often off track with what we value.”
By consciously choosing actions that align with our values, even when they involve discomfort, we can lead a more fulfilling and meaningful life.
The Importance of Support and Role Models
Having supportive role models can make a significant difference in our willingness to take risks. The podcast Josh and Hugh share their experiences of seeking approval and guidance from their parents and mentors. While support is valuable, it’s also important to develop the confidence to make decisions independently.
Dr. Emily encourages listeners to reflect on their childhood influences and consider how they might have shaped their attitudes towards risk and discomfort. Understanding these influences can help us break free from limiting beliefs and embrace new challenges with greater confidence.
Conclusion: Embracing Discomfort for a Fulfilling Life
By understanding the evolutionary, cultural, and psychological factors that drive our desire for safety, we can begin to reframe our relationship with discomfort and take meaningful risks.
“When we’re avoiding discomfort, we’re valuing safety. But the consequences of playing it safe, staying the same, avoiding risk, avoiding discomfort—it looks like Groundhog Day. It looks like feeling bored, feeling unsatisfied, feeling low.”
Dr. Emily reminds us
By choosing to face discomfort and pursue our values, we open ourselves up to a richer, more expansive life. Embracing discomfort is not about recklessly taking risks but about being willing to step out of our comfort zones and explore new possibilities. It’s about recognising that growth often comes from pushing through challenges and that the most fulfilling experiences often lie beyond the boundaries of safety.
For those interested in exploring this topic further, the full episode of ‘The Imperfects’ with Dr. Emily is available on YouTube.
